There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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