Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
