Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
