Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
