..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
