You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
try to milk me bitch
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