Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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