sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
