so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
