The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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