what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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