i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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