thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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