And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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