absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
