Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
