Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to make out with him forever
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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