True but thats because hes a fetus.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
