I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
