I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
