Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
