Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
