I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
