1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
