I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My ATM looks so different sober.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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