Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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