Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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