I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
