Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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