I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
