I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
