before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she told me i tasted like america
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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