I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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