This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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