We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
