im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
