currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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