There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
