Cold hands, warm shart.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
