are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
