went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
