I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
