she was so not down for the gang bang
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do herpes really smell.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
