Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
