yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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