she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
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