I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
