You're completely useless in the revolution.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
