I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck appropriateness.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
