JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
